When Avoidance Does Not Work.

Here is what you need to be prepared for should you find yourself the target of a bully…

You have to understand that once a bully identifies a target, they generally try to learn repetitive behaviors, such as the route taken to the bus area, the route you take to get home, any patterns. Sometimes changing these behaviors removes the opportunity for the bully to bother you.

Remember, he is choosing you and if you adjust your behavior, you can prove to be an undesirable target. In which case the bully will move on to an easier target.

Here are some other things you can do:

1. Stay Calm: Keeping your emotions in check can help prevent the situation from escalating. A calm demeanor can possibly de-escalate the bully’s aggressive behavior.

2. Limit Eye Contact: Try to avoid prolonged eye contact as it can sometimes be interpreted as a challenge.

3. Use Assertive, but Non-Confrontational Body Language: Show confidence in your stance. You can demonstrate it by standing tall, but ensuring your body language does not come off as aggressive.

4. Use a Firm Voice: Assure your voice is clear and firm when communicating. This can help to show your confidence, but always remember to stay respectful.

5. Express Understanding: Try to empathize with the bully without agreeing with their behavior. Statements like “I understand that you’re upset…” could potentially calm them down.

6. Ignore and Walk Away: When safe to do so, ignoring the bully’s provocations and walking away from the situation can be effective. This eliminates the audience a bully may thrive on.

7. Set Boundaries: Communicate your boundaries clearly and stand your ground if the bully tries to violate those boundaries.

8. Seek Help: If you feel unsafe or the situation is escalating, seek help from a trusted adult, school authority, or coworker.

9. Breathe Deeply: Deep breaths can help bring your stress levels down, give you time to think clearly, and respond calmly. It also might encourage the other person to pause and do the same.

10. Use Humor: In certain cases, humor can defuse the situation. However, it’s important to ensure you’re not making fun of the bully or yourself.

11. Offer a Distraction: Changing the subject or diverting the person’s attention can sometimes shift the bullying behavior.

12. Assertive Communication: Clearly communicate that their behavior is not acceptable to you, making sure you express yourself without escalating the situation.

Avoid getting personal and stick to the facts. Remember, the ultimate goal is to ensure your own safety and avoid physical confrontation whenever possible. It’s important to report bullying to the appropriate authorities.

Master Bill DeGrafft is an active member of the United Tang Soo Do Federation and is a Certified 5^th Dan Master Instructor, having also trained in Sun Mu Sul, Chen Style Taiji, Tai Chi Gung, and Wing Chun. He is the owner at Ponte Vedra Martial Arts Academy. He is also COBRA Self Defense Certified and the Academy is the areas only Authorized COBRA Training Center. Learn more about the academy at https:pvmaa.com, “Like” us on Facebook at PonteVedraMartialArtsAcademy and follow up on Instagram, pontevedramartialartsacademy.